The Gods Must Be Lazy
by Joe McCrea (Logain)
I was at a New Year’s Eve party at the end of 2000 where I drank way too much. When I fell asleep that night I had the weirdest dream, where not everything was as it seemed. I was playing in a strange Olympic biathlon with some pretty formidable opponents. The gods and I competed in two events, one was a regular foot race, while the other was a game of basketball. Don’t ask why, the dream was strange to begin with.
Well, my memory is fading fast, but from what I remember, Coelus managed to outrun Hades, while Zeus lost to Aphrodite. Hermes obviously won, since he has those winged shoes of his. Somehow I outraced Poseidon who lost to Cronos. Ares topped Zeus but not myself.
In basketball, Aphrodite turned up only airballs and scored a big goose egg. I scored more than Hermes, but tied Hades. Ares doubled my score. Cronos was nearly unstoppable and we lost track of his score since he had the lead. Zeus came in second, just 7 points more than Coelus. Coelus scored three times as many points as the place he came in during the foot race. Poseidon beat me by 7 points.
What did Ares score and what place did he come in during the race?
Image by Courk.
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