Spoonerism Puzzle

[Zag]

People have gotten out of the habit of just making regular puzzles for others' amusement. Here's a spoonerism puzzle I just made up. I don't think I have repeated any that I've used before, but I'm not positive. These are definitions of phrases that will pair off as spoonerisms.

Example:
Place for the slower cars & Just a drizzle
Right Lane - Light Rain

--------------------------------------
A wish for good health
Acne sufferer's symptom
Cartilaginous fish
Chesapeake specialty
Command given to oversized jewelry
Disastrous highway event occurred
Fox River mouth
Hannibal Lecter's dinner order
Homies can't keep their mouths shut
Lift lunar module
Lucille Ball's notable feature
Neon?
Place to keep your dinghy
Shaking sharp instrument
Southpaw
Sniper's concern
Taxi driver was wounded
Unappetizing color
Walter Mitty's problem
You bring this to class

[Icarus]

Hannibal Lecter's dinner order & Lucille Ball's notable feature
Rare Head = Red Hair?

[Quailman]

Chesapeake specialty and Homies can't keep their mouths shut:
Blue crab and Crew blab

[Jack_Ian]

I'd say Hannibal Lecter's dinner order would be Head, rare, in order to suit the spoonerism tag better.

Fox River mouth & Unappetizing color
Green Bay = Bean Grey?

[groza528]

Lift lunar module: Heft Lander
Southpaw: Left Hander

[Coyote]

Shaking sharp instrument / Walter Mitty's problem

My first thought was wagging knife / nagging wife
But then I thought of wiggling knife / niggling wife, which seems to fit even better.

Oddly enough, I've never even known of the existence of the word niggling before now, but it struck me as not just word-like, but appropriately word-like. I like to think James Thurber would have approved of my reasoning here.

[Coyote]

Place to keep your dinghy / You bring this to class.

Boat nook / Notebook

I started out trying possible matches for the second clue (bext took? wome hork? phell cone?) and actually let out an audible groan when I spotted the right match. This, of course, is the ultimate compliment for a good pun.

Thanks for posting this, Zag! I agree, it's nice to see 'regular' puzzles like this now and then.

[Zag]

Thanks for the kind words, Coyote.

For the Walter Mitty one, the answer I had in mind was your first one, but I agree that I like the second one better.

All the others so far are basically correct. Jack_Ian's modification of Icarus's answer is what I had in mind. Quailman, I think it works better if the Chesapeake specialty is pluralized (which is still a single specialty).

These remain:

A wish for good health
Acne sufferer's symptom
Cartilaginous fish
Command given to oversized jewelry
Disastrous highway event occurred
Neon?
Sniper's concern
Taxi driver was wounded

[Quailman]

Acne symptom/wounded taxi driver
Blackhead / Hack bled

[Zag]

Yep.

Here are the remaining ones, paired off, along with a little more hint

A wish for good health -- Disastrous highway event occurred (It was actually the cause of a disaster, not the disaster itself.)

Cartilaginous fish (no, not a shark) -- Command given (in vain, perhaps) to oversized jewelry

Sniper's concern -- Neon? (Consider what it is used for.)

[Silverfire]

Sniper's concern/Neon?: Sight Line/Light Sign?

[Jack_Ian]

Cartilaginous fish & Command given to oversized jewellery
Stingray & Ring... Stay!

[Zag]

Nice! Just one left. Amusingly enough, it was the one that inspired me to write this puzzle. I see it every day on the water cooler at work.

[Zag]

This one remains:

A wish for good health -- Disastrous highway event occurred (It was actually the cause of a disaster, not the disaster itself.)
Additional hint: F____ W____ / W____ F____

And here are some more. Some are very easy -- you regulars might want to leave the really easy ones for others. There is a theme amongst these clues, but, once you figure out the theme, it isn't fair to go look up answers based on it. (That is, you can't do what I just did in order to create them.)

Adolescent angst
Apocryphal story about a nun
Billy Beane's story
Coating for a shallow-draft boat
David Adkins
Grim Reaper, with a softer side
He went to Washington
Knitting material isn't straight
Make a mistake emulating Ben Franklin?
Marilyn Monroe might have done this. (My apologies for the off-color nature of this one.)
Never talk about it!
Prom queen's nostalgia
Put some soft protection on the Londoner
Quoting The Raven to your alfalfa?
The theme of this puzzle
This is a great place to live!
Was unhappy
Where Mrs. Cottontail does her Christmas shopping

[Icarus]

A wish for good health -- Disastrous highway event occurred
Fair Well comes to mind, but that's one word, and can't think of a highway event

[Coyote]

I'm guessing it's Feel Well / Wheel Fell

Though this would work better if I could add 'off' to the end of both of them.

I've figured out four of the new ones so far, but going with the assumption that any of the ones I can actually solve must be the easy ones, I'll leave them be for now. Do I still count as a 'regular'?

[ralphmerridew]

He went to Washington / Apocryphal story about a nun: Mr. Smith / Sister Myth

[Zag]

Icarus, I wouldn't hesitate to break up a single word, especially a compound word. If 'farewell' made a decent spoonerism, I would use it. See 'stingray' above. Anyway, Coyote got that one.

Coyote, there are only 2 that I consider to be really easy, so feel free to jump in with the one or two you like the best. Have you got the theme yet?

[Quailman]

Billy Beane's story /Where Mrs. Cottontail does her Christmas shopping
Moneyball / Bunny Mall
David Adkins / Was unhappy
Sinbad / Been sad
Put some soft protection on the Londoner / The Theme of this puzzle:
Pad Brit / Brad Pitt
Grim Reaper, with a softer side / Marilyn Monroe might have done this
Joe Black

[Coyote]

Quailman and ralphmerridew posted 3 of the four I'd solved, thus saving me from choosing which answer to give. Thanks guys!

Make a mistake emulating Ben Franklin / Never talk about it!
Kite flub / Fight Club

And no, I wasn't able to figure out the theme before Quailman's post.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

ETA: I note with some distress that I've made four posts in a row with no chess-like content whatsoever. So here's a little bonus 'spoonerism' I just made up. I eagerly await the howls of protest once the answer has been found.

Member of the Board / Nocturnal Spirit

[Zag]

That'll larn ya to be so polite, Coyote. All the ones answered have been correct, or at least what I intended when I wrote it.

These remain:

Adolescent angst
Coating for a shallow-draft boat
Knitting material isn't straight
Prom queen's nostalgia
Quoting The Raven to your alfalfa?
This is a great place to live!

-------
I'm not sure it counts as a real spoonerism, Coyote, but it is:
Member of the Board / Nocturnal Spirit
White Knight / Night Wight

[Zag]

I kind of forgot about this for a while. Here are the remaining ones, paired up.


Adolescent angst / Quoting The Raven to your alfalfa? (Requires severe verbizing)
Prom queen's nostalgia / Coating for a shallow-draft boat

That leaves these two, but I can't seem to remember them.
Edit: Oh yeah. Not my best spoonerism.
Knitting material isn't straight / This is a great place to live!

Here are some more:

Common summer occurrence
Decorate the fodder?
Heartbreaker wearing Coco's scent
Illegal golf action?
Lumberjack garb
Occupation for gamblers
Person who puts the "best if used by" values on tools for waiters
Phrased used in personal ads
Possibly will scream
Top quality beef

[Gomez]

Lumberjack Garb & Heartbreaker wearing Coco's scent - Flannel Shirt/Chanel Flirt

[LordKinbote]

Phrased used in personal ads = WHITE MALE
Possibly will scream = MIGHT WAIL

[L'lanmal]

[Zag]

All right so far. Remaining ones (with an added hint for the old ones):

Prom queen's nostalgia / Coating for a shallow-draft boat G____ D___
Knitting material isn't straight / This is a great place to live! C___ W___

Common summer occurrence
Decorate the fodder?
Illegal golf action?
Occupation for gamblers
Person who puts the "best if used by" values on tools for waiters
Top quality beef

[Sentran]

[Sentran]

[Zag]

Glory and Dory were what I had in mind, but something different for the second part of each. Think like a Boss.

[Sentran]

Ah, Glory Days and Dory Glaze, perhaps?
I guess that does make a bit more sense.
_________________
Sentran
"Speaking of double negatives, I haven't read greylab yet today." - Lifeinmomland

[Zag]

Common summer occurrence / Decorate the fodder?
Occupation for gamblers / Person who puts the "best if used by" values on tools for waiters
Top quality beef / Illegal golf action?

[Quailman]

Day trader/Tray dater

I thought I had already posted this.

[Quailman]

Prime cut/Crime putt

[Zag]

That leaves only

Common summer occurrence / Decorate the fodder? H___ D___

And some more. Some of these are pretty bad.

C uses only the whites
Circus act
Collapsible bed has damage
Correct, grayish-brown
Eating regimen named after King Fudd's headgear
Hush!
Jail? or myself?
Lift real estate?
Orson ____ ____
Quiet the priests
Several Grey Labyrinth members
Sinister tool

[ralphmerridew]

Common summer occurrence / Decorate the fodder? Hot Day, Dot Hay.

[Quailman]

Circus act/correct, grayish brown Tight Rope / Right Taupe

[bgg1996]

Finally, I got one of these.

Orson ____ ____/Collapsible bed has damage Scott Card/Cot Scarred
_________________
The one member below 18

[bgg1996]

And Another:
Eating regimen named after King Fudd's headgear /Hush! Cwown Diet/Down, Quiet

edit: Make that Diet Cwown, Quiet Down
_________________
The one member below 18

[Zag]

Yep.

C uses only the whites / Jail? or myself?
Several Grey Labyrinth members / Quiet the priests
Sinister tool / Lift real estate?

I'll keep adding them as long as I can keep thinking of them. Here are some more.

Birds do this, but it's sexier when dancers do it
Blond bombshell Veronica possibly will do it
Canine fur
Describes some friends
Hongerige Wolf, for example (my apologies to the obvious people if this is a mistake)
Porcine challenges
Score!
Soap sphere mathematically designed
Trivialize
What you get if you cross the mob

[Quailman]

Canine fur / porcine challenges Dog hairs / Hog dares
Blond bombshell Veronica possibly will do it / trivializeLake might / Make light
Score! Get laid / and um...