Looking for some really pathetic superhero powers

[firemeboy]

Hi, all. It's been a while. :)

I've found that the GL has some really clever people. I wrote a book that was accepted by HarperCollins and will be out in about 12 months. It was a two book contract, and I'm currently working on the second book.

I'm in need of some really good pathetic superhero powers. Just random powers that also happen to be funny.

As an example, I've got one guy who can change his belly button from an innie to an outie. Another guy can burp in Russian. And a third can stop his fingernails from growing. "Look at my hands. Right now, my fingernails aren't growing."

Anyway, thought I'd throw it out there and see if you clever bastards can come up with some more good ones.

I hope life has been treating all of you very well.

[bonanova]

Not sure if it's a power but my Scandinavian relatives can say simple words (like 'yuh' or'yeah') repeatedly while inhaling.
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[groza528]

You can't use this one because it already exists, but I read about a superhero on tvtropes that could turn invisible, but only when nobody was looking. It actually ended up being useful when he was able to sneak past a security camera.

How about someone who can...
...smell a bargain?
...understand the language of the giant squid?
...perfectly imitate any of the voices from M*A*S*H?
...see half a second into the future?
...correctly spell any word he hears?

[Gomez]

How about:

1). Someone who can turn invisible, but only in the dark.
2). Someone who can fly, but only when he happens to be on an airplane that's already in flight.
3). Someone who could run at supersonic speeds...if he had legs...which he doesn't.
4). Someone who knows Pi to six whole decimal places.

[Amb]

The ability to:

1. Know if it is Christmas day just by thinking about it, with no other reference to help out.

2. Jump through any mirror, as a portal, into a world exactly the same as this one - just mirror image. (Meaning if someone is about to shoot you, you still die - just by a mirror image of the same bullet. Trying to escape an exam in this way would lead to you doing the same exam with near unreadable text)

3. Drop dead on the spot just by thinking about it.

4. Read words and sentences fluently back to front. (I do this)

5. See two distinct un-merged images with both eyes rather than a cohesive 3d Image.

6. Change gender spontaneously at really annoying times, such as during child birth.

7. The telekenetic ability to change the bumps around in any piece of braille text.

8. The ability to make yourself blind, and or deaf.

9. (This is one I used for a cartoon character I drew as a teenager) - The ability to morph your body or part of your body to any object/shape but no ability to change back anything metal. (My character had an egg beater for a hand as he didn't know he couldn't unmorph metal. If you did use this idea, I release the concept completely)

10. The ability to see dust particles in the air without the need for light.

11. The ability to hear ants marching from any distance - even across light years away.

12. The ability to teleport ones self to both Pluto and or the surface of the Sun.

13. The ability to never, ever, lose, naughts and crosses. Can't even throw the game.

14. Ability to communicate with people who aren't dead yet.

15. Ability to mentally receive, read, view, and memorise spam emails weeks before they are even sent.

16. Ability to accurately visualise numbers above infinity.

17. Ability to unsolve a rubiks cube from any solved position in 3 moves or less.

18. The ability to always say the most insenstive, cruel, poorly timed comments on the face of the earth at exactly the wrong moment. (Supertourettes)

19. Force incorrect jigsaw puzzle pieces to join regardless.

20. Grow nose hairs that double in size every minute until you decide not to.

[Scurra]

How about the ability to order a coffee in Starbucks and - and this is the important bit - actually get what he wants?
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[DF*]

Ability to fluently speak and understand the entire one-word vocabulary of fleas, or the ability to fluently speak and understand the entire vocabulary of an intelligent race of humanoid creatures inhabiting a planet many, many light-years away (with no means of faster-than-light transport or communication).

[Death Mage]

The ability to travel through time, but only forward at a 1:1 ratio.
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[Thok]

If you actually want to make a reference, the generally accepted standard for pathetic superheroes is the Red Bee, a superhero who fought crime by controlling bees. He also has a special bee who is his best friend.

Another reference to a pathetic superhero is Arm Falloff Boy, who can remove an arm and use it as a club.

As for other silly powers:

Gluten-free vision (can see if anything is gluten free just by looking at it.)

The man who is exactly average at everything (even making him exactly 2,436,517th at everything in the world would make him mostly pointless in the grand scheme of things).

[Gomez]

Eighteenth bulletproof Man. The first seventeen bullets will cause severe internal injury, but that eighteenth bullet will always bounce right off.

[Elayne]

Watch some who's line is it anyways episodes on you tube. This comes up in a few of them. Most definitely in the Drew Cary versions. You may get some ideas and a few laughs to boot

[The Ragin' South Asian]

According to Wikipedia, "Cyclops seems to possess an uncanny sense of geometry", which without lasers seems like the nerdiest power.

[Thok]

[firemeboy]

Thanks, all. Some great ideas here. :)

[The Potter]

A man who has the power to move objects across the room with his right hand. Back story: he lost is right hand in a meat slicer accident.

The ability to spit cherry pits with uncanny accuracy.
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[Jedo the Jedi]

Something, something, generates fractals.
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[Death Mage]

The ability to see what other people are reading, if they are reading a copy of Moby Dick.
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[The Potter]

The ability to post on-topic ideas and keep things to the correct thread.



The ability to find lost tractors.

A superhero who finds everything amusing. :_
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Artwork | Fractals | Don't ignore your dreams; don't work too much; say what you think; cultivate friendships; be happy.

[Zag]

[bgg1996]

Producing electrons, one at a time.
Changing a $1 U.S. into $1 Canadian.
Upon being asked a trivia question, having a 1% chance of answering correctly, even if you don't know the answer.
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[Jedo the Jedi]

[Quailman]

The ability to make bold picks in the last week of the NFL season to edge out the guy who has led the wipeout game most of the way.

[Thok]

Somebody who can fire lasers from their hands, but it's one of those low powered lasers that lets you put a red dot on the wall.

A person that whenever they walk past a cat stuck in tree, the cat automatically jumps and lands safely on that person's head. (The cat lands safely; the superhero doesn't have any particular resistance to being clawed in the head by a falling cat.)

[bgg1996]

[Death Mage]

The ability to hear any sneeze within a kilometer.
The ability to smell the color blue.
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[j_s*]

the ability to immediately dry your own hair.

the ability to play and always win the lotto when the pot is $10 or less.

the ability to always walk exactly half a second faster than the person in front of you.

the ability to tell exactly how long a piece of tape has been stuck to an object/paper/wall/etc

the ability to write upside-down in cursive.

the ability to look at the closed pages of a book and determine the exact number of pages.

the ability to sneeze boogers in the shape of any state of the USA.

Ok i m having too much fun. back to work for me :-p

[Gomez]

Just thought of this one: Business Man. A man with the power to make 100 times more money than a regular man.

[Amb]

So, did you pick any? Can you reveal anything, or would that get you in trouble for leaking your own plots.

[Macros]

the ability to know, to the millimetre, the length of any bit of string.

the ability to breathe under water, alergic to water/ scared of water

the ability to look perfect in every photo

abiltity to fly coupled with a crippling fear of heights

can use his hearing like a bat to navigate with eyes closed, scared of dark.
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